My friends, after several weeks of heavy training (5 minutes a day), I can now do 35 consecutive push-ups before my arms and lungs collapse. Sometimes I can do 40. You may not be so impressed, but 35 push-ups is 33.5 more push-ups than I could do a month ago. I now feel much manlier, like I could do anything: take on the world, fix things, spit, scratch myself in public. It’s great to be a man. I’m going to Home Depot to buy some two by fours and build something.
Recently, I was watching a movie on TV with Jameelah. She and I have started trying to communicate mainly in Vietnamese, in order for her to improve her listening and speaking skills. Jameelah has gotten really good with the language; she just needs to practice more. Vietnamese, though is a difficult skill to master, kind of like learning to ride a greasy unicycle (don’t ask me why anyone would grease up a unicycle). I’m amazed how far she’s advanced. However, we are still in intermediate levels, and since Vietnamese is pretty sparse and staccato anyway, our conversations sound kind of like cavemen speech, for example:
Huy: Hello, I at home. How your day?
Jameelah: My day bad, children bad
Huy: Students at school bad?
Jameelah: Very bad. I am bad teacher. How are you? I hungry.
Huy: No. You very good teacher. I hungry also. You want eat what?
Jameelah: I not know. Maybe you cook pasta?
Huy: No, I go out, hunt saber tooth tiger, stab with spear till dead, we eat.
We were watching TV, and I started noticing something. Men are crying a lot now. They openly weep. It started with one of my favorite movie trilogies of all time, Lord of the Rings, where 75% of the movies consisted of men of all species embracing each other and crying. This is a very interesting juxtaposition, since the other 25% comprised guys stabbing things with swords. Men are crying everywhere. And it’s not just in American culture. I watched some Korean movies a while ago, and saw a similar pattern: Korean men spend half the movies tearing up. (It’s usually because in every movie the woman they love dies of bone marrow cancer while snow is falling).
Have we moved to the point where it’s OK for grown men to cry? Have we become so enlightened that men are now freer to express their emotions? Or have guys become wimps? Remember when “boys don’t cry”? Now it’s “Men, go ahead and weep at your daughter’s first word.” I don’t remember crying in public more than once in my adult life. Being the manly man, I turned to Jameelah to ask for her opinions.
“You like men cry?” I asked.
“Maybe sometimes no problem,” she said.
“I cry you still love me?”
“…I not know. Maybe you cook pasta?”
Women, do you think it is more acceptable now for men to cry? If so, what do you think of it? Vote now! Your votes may determine whether or not I burst into tears the next time there’s a sale on tomato sauce at Safeway. To make it easier, you can also choose one or more of the following options below.
1. I love me a sensitive man. Nothing sexier than a weepy stud muffin.
2. It depends on the situation. For example: beloved dog dies, OK; favorite germanium flower dies, not OK.
3. Men should not cry, but rather, during moments of intense emotions, they should let one tear trickle down the cheek while their head remains perfectly still. They should remain in this position until the tear evaporates.
4. Men can tear up, but they must never admit to it, instead claiming that some dust got in their eyes.
5. Men should be men. Them that cry are wusses. That’s what my Pa done tol’ me.
While you voice your opinions, I’m going to do what any manly man would do on a Monday night: Cook his girlfriend some pasta.